Leaving for Malaysia in a couple of hours. I did alot this time, and I have the gall to reminisce right now. I beat down a raging affection, patched things up with my mom and dad, ate alot of Chinese food, discovered I was allergic to fish, eggs, dairy products, soya bean and peaches, developed and resolved a contact allergy where blisters start forming on my hands and feet for the third time and found out what Chinese I am. I consider that a good run even before the nights of complete drunken reverie and stupidness, I don't recall half of them, but I've been assured they were pleasant. I saw the movie "Hero" today, by Zhang Yimou, who is more known for his realistic films of China like Not One Less and Suzhou River. What motivated me to see the movie was seeing Iron Monkey, a movie directed by Yuen Wo Ping, choreographer of Matrix and Crouching Tiger, because it had a guy choreographing THAT movie called Donnie Yen, who is irrefutably, the shit. The Kung Fu is mixed (as with all good kung-fu flicks) with metaphysical dialogue and cream-on-your-pants kung-fu, known to some people as wire-fu because the wires are clearly holding up the characters. This is not your low budget Chinese flick. Go see it, and be moved like a shot to the head.

I am not on some heritage back-to-my-roots journey, I am simply on the warpath interest for kung-fu. It was not cathartic to view the movie, cathartic was seeing a play called "Stories for Amah" and feeling parts of the narrative were taken exactly out of my life, though I now also realise that catharsis did not give me closure, the play was too abstract and the resolution weak. The main character begins losing sanity as she sees the character she intensely cherishes health deteriorate in some pitiful, awful episodes and then the mourning is to emphasise the loss. There is no cycle, there is no return. She spirals into an oblivion of remorse.

I will not accept that. As doctrine, Han's head got huge this semester and I cannot allow that to happen again. I became morose with arrogance, and only hindsight let's me see these instances (that span months). New Years resolution, to doubt Thomas and to attain simplicity.