I don't see a problem in your situation, Joli. The point is refining your belief so you aren't taking things on blind faith. If your intuition tells you there is no God, then there is no God. If people who worship God show mental weakness, it reflects the shape of modern belief. Maybe your unconscious brain came to a different conclusion, saying, "here are the facts, Joli, and I'm sorry to say, God seems to be in the details".

Anger is good. It tells me you can keep a sane perspective if you watch religious proceedings. Through studying, you are getting a better idea of how the world works. The fact that our world isn't better than it should be, in part due to dogmatic principles, it is enough to make any intelligent person angry.

I attended a religious function at my mom's request. There was a point when the priest asked the guests to come up and share a moment when Jesus touched their heart. No one had a small miracle, no one thanked Jesus because there was a heart-shaped crack in the sidewalk. There were distinct trends on thanking Jesus. Some thanked him for good health, some thanked Jesus for making them financially successful, some thanking him on a successful medical operation. The thanks seemed to be give-and-take.

The logic: I have received good fortune, it is because of my belief in Jesus.

More logic: When we receive good fortune, it is perfectly understandable to us. But when something terrible happens, God's will cannot be understood.

It makes me worried that success confirms some people's faith, maybe this reflects on the kind of people they are. Maybe your faith doesn't conform to the conventional wisdom surrounding God. In that case, you have found your unique meaning of God. Also, that this God doesn't need to be sustained by reading the Our Father as penance nor setting aside all your sundays for worship and community building.

I'd like to think that if there was a God who was responsible for everything in creation and he even created the passage of time, the last thing he would want us to dwell upon (if he could ever desire anything, after making existance) is his presence.

If he's everywhere, If his face is reflected in everything, going to church on sunday is like showing my girlfriend once a year how much I love her. Everything I do/make/think/say to her is charged with my feelings for her; restricting those feelings to a day sounds like selective memory and I find it dishonest.

PS: Just an example, I'm still a bachelorsaurus