Thanks for the birthday wishes. Meeks: It might be true. I hope it isn't. I go through a variety of moods. In high school I was generally depressed, regretting stuff, but these days when I become depressed, I cherish it. Because I look at myself when I'm depressed. It doesn't make sense to avoid certain feelings. I think it's unhealthy when you decide to live in the past. It sounds like leaving the past behind is necessary to alleviate depression. That may be the case with me. Coming to an understanding with the past is necessary to "move on".

But I keep asking myself what is closure? I realise that certain doors in relationships will not be open for me because I ask for different things from a person. But it is a fascinating thought. For instance, the closer we - two people - move together the more the suggested intimacy. This is in a casual situation. So can you have an intimate relationship with someone without actually touching the person? I realise this is similar to the role of a teacher and a pupil. But in these scenes, the teacher and the pupil are not necesserily clear-cut. Sometimes I'm the teacher and sometimes I'm the pupil.

So I've thought about this. I've realised it kind of roundabout. That I might have a fear of touching. That body language and verbal communication complement each other. That while there may be ways of saying the same things in gesture and speech, they will never be understood in the same way by the receiver.

I finished reading Rules of Attraction lately. I'm moving through all of Bret Easton Ellis' novels this summer.

I have not made headway on that autobiographical thing. I'm traveling back to Malaysia in September for the forseeable future. I will miss alot of things about London. I will forget alot of things, too. The 3 years will dull in my head but I hope the scuffs and shines won't lose their lustre.