February 27, 2001

Not much to report on from the city of Melbourne:

My life is just lectures and tutorials at the moment, interspersed with bouts of NOT drinking, I can't even punctuate the crap with cigarettes because I've lost the taste for it completely.

I am ever-so-boring.

I miss Malaysia too, Han. And I get emails from my dad asking me what I had for breakfast aswell. It amplifies the distance.

ode to a metal song

crying from the bedposts she kneels in purest light
she tries her hardest when her shadows barely pierce the night
asleep in rags she's soiled and tagged
underground to her plight
it's impossible for them to realise
how hard her fists clench at night

telling them in idle ways that she pursues her dream
we don't believe the selfish brays of some long forgotten fiend.

----------
callous malice provokes no sips from the chalice
----------
I got a parcel from my mom with a letter and a weird t-shirt with it, although not weird enough for me to realise it is of "ethnic" flavor... a button t-shirt with loops and knots instead of buttons and button-holes. Anyways, it made me miss malaysia alot... my dad sends me one line emails asking me what I had for breakfast today. Says everything is nice, sends love. sob :(

meeks, are you online?

chained and brainless
we rest on the floor
they will die for the blameless
who can't take it anymore

I'm sorry mister person
I trust you'll not irate
but if you haven't realised
you've exceeded your sell-by date
so saunter off at your own pace
(oh, do, do take your time)
but make an effort to not look back
and you might do slightly fine.

a penchant for hating all the rules
make children a very angry breed
and men a turn for fools
So when we question all we've known
it's not to arrogant be
it's more to eat from the roots of knowledge
than nibbling from the fruits of the tree

-han


"don' t you realise that evil lives in the muthafuckin skin"
-system of a down

"When the heroes go off the clowns come on"
-heinrich heine

Man, Lyme is big now. That's so fucking cool... :)

Let's see.. what have I been doing... chilling... mainly. But avoiding schoolwork comes a close second. I'm not to distance myself from the material but it's unavoidable if I don't put in a constant effort. I hope everyone is well, toodles.

February 21, 2001

Here's something mildly entertaining: according to a site I saw recently (I can't remember the link, you'll have to excuse me) the song that was number 1 on the charts on significant days in your life kind of sets the theme. Eg - the song that was number one on your birthday kind of sets the theme for the rest of your life. Undoubtedly bullshit, but still an amusing thought. Some of this is just plain ridiculous.

Vinayak's birthday: "Endless Love" by Lionel Ritchie and and Diana Ross. Aw.

Han's birthday: "Bette Davis Eyes" by Kim Carnes. Heheheeheh.

Mikko: "Call Me" by Blondie. Okay, so none of this is making sense.

Our graduation: 'Livin La Vida Loca" by Ricky Martin, or "Sweet Like Chocolate" by Shanks And Bigfoot. Heheh.

Jol's b'day: "Don't Stand So Close to Me" by The Police or "Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen.

Dear Lord.


February 20, 2001

Blue days, all of them gone, nothin' but blue skies, from now on!

What posesses me to quote old songs? I have no idea.

I just can't stop ... dancin'!

*shuffles on carpet, burning soles of feet*

February 19, 2001

I think I'm keeping much too occupied to feel depression, I'm off to see a movie. It's irrelevant what I see, I just need to see a movie ;)

February 17, 2001

I am, too, depressed. Creativity can suck my ass right now. I think it's the kind of depression though that occurs because major changes are happening around me, and I really don't know how to deal with them. I usually welcome change, but at the moment I guess I feel overwhelmed.

Reasons for my depression : a lot of whining and self loathing, yadda yadda.

1. One of my closest cousins is getting married in February next year. A joyful event, you say? I spent a summer with said cousin, not so long ago, where we had a few discussions surrounding the fact that he didn't want to get married. And not to the girl he is now engaged to. He said he felt pressured because she'd waited for him to fall in love with her since they were teenagers (they are now both in their 30's). This bothers me.

2. reason deleted

3. Grandmother sick. In hospital. Blah.

4. Insomnia.

5. Creative, schmeative. I haven't got a single creative impulse in my body. I usually do ONE thing creative every day, like play the piano or whatever, but lately I just haven't cared enough.

6. Andrea moved out of home. My YOUNGER sister, by TWO YEARS, moved out of home. I am now living at home with my mum. Even though I'm only 20 - and living at home with your mum isn't embarrassing JUST yet - I had planned to move out around this month. SHE is doing what I wanted to do.

In the words of someone vulgar and famous, life can suck my fucking nut.

Hi guys:

Vin, I didn't delete you from quickdot: I actually deleted my entire account. The gayness of it all was getting too much for me. I'm training myself to be better with email. Heh.

If you don't hear from me much in the next week or so, it's not because I am being lazy: I'm just undergoing some personal difficulties at the moment. Not problems as such, just weirdness. My grandmother in San Francisco is in hospital, and she's 82 years old, so a trip to the US might be in order. Hmmm.

February 16, 2001

I haven't read all the posts, I'll do that after.

I'd just like to say this:

I like ice cream! YAY!

February 15, 2001

Well what I'm doing is taking De Saussure's theory about language and applying it on society, the entity whose existance language cultivates.

I did nothing today. haven't heard from meeks and joli for a while. Yesterday was valentine's day and I allowed myself to get really depressed over the fact that I don't have a girlfriend. Because I've found a way to shunt the feeling slightly. So I listened to this awesome song by The Roots, I dunno what song it was called, but it has Erykah Badu on it. Anyways, a midget has moved into the seat opposite mine and I'm going to run away.

February 13, 2001

the proceeding rant is unfinished and probably never will be finished.

CELEBRATE THE HATE

a salubrious rant from the 19 year old octagenarian


I like all things without prejudice. Other thoughts of loft are superfluous because they just serve to drag you down. We enjoy living in the reality and to some degree have satisfaction with ourselves. One allowable satisfaction is an illusion. That illusion is the tolerance for difference. Several distinctions must be made:

The word tolerance meaning a segragated existance from distance. Observing but never interacting.

Difference ranging from aesthetic and profound, to sexual to racial.

We believe we tolerate difference. Difference is a concept exemplified on one horizontal plane where all possible variations lie within this plane. If the certain variable that perfectly modeled Han and a variable named vinny were to be placed on such a plane, they would lie an arbitrary number of units away from each other. What manipulates the morality of society is the imposition of certain values through mass media. The deeper structure of TV advertisements, shows, mainstream movies, all hold constant ethical restrictions that the public has grown to accept and conform to. We therefore have conservative society which tolerates everything but accepts only a portion of reality he is willing to cope with.

February 11, 2001

hello, back from dublin and had a smashing time. Classes start on monday, sorry about this weekend vinny. Just because I arrange soma holidays doesn't mean anyone should have to suffer. Maybe some other time, eh?

Let's see what movies I saw... very bad things (fucked up, brain-sucking movie)... the doom generation (fucked, intensely sexually liberal movie, the ending is criminal). Bought a couple of books. Basically I spent another fuckload of money, god bless the god of excess.

overlaying worries include: What am I gonna do for spring break? (must stay in the country... or at least in the continent) and Who am I gonna live with at the beginning of next semester?

But all will be resolved soon.

February 09, 2001




First, some housekeeping:

Han is in Dublin at the moment, and is probably not ... er ... "able" to post.

We can all mess with the layout of this fine online publication. Just go to the template, and do what you will!

Now: the availabilty of certain subjects in High School can be described concisely and accurately with the following words: piss poor . I remember when the surveys came out, when we were in tenth grade or so, asking us if we'd prefer the school offering higher IB anthro or psych, and theatre or music. I don't know what was holding the school back from offering ALL FOUR. I mean, why not? Surely we had the staff and funding for it (you'll remember, Vin, how the school SPLURGED on bloody anthro texts/ethnographies. NOT cheap). Think of all the bloody fluff classes, that were basically there to cater to people who just wanted to fart their way through high school (e.g. essentials of basket weaving). I would have preferred, though, HL economics to HL theatre.

ISKL didn't put enough bloody emphasis on academics. It was always about sport and the crappy clubs. Then, for those who were lazy, there were the classes that required a grand total of TWO brain cells to pass. DON'T anyone bullshit me and say that there were students who couldn't keep up with regular classes: what the fuck do you think the LRC (and rittalin) are for?

Okay, maybe I'm being harsh. It just bothered me that a lot of people farted about.

I think ISKL was a good school - far better than any school I could have gone to in Melbourne (and I went to a private school). I'm glad I had the opportunity to do the IB, because I think that it is a very good university preparation programme. I like that we had to study a subject out of each discipline.

I look back now, and wish I had taken more advantage of what I was offered in school. I don't recall once - in all my education (13.5 years of it) - ever pushing myself mentally. My cumulative G.P.A was consistently at about 3.5 - at some points it was as high as 4.0, but any science subjects I took always ensured that it never stayed that high. I remember once asking Kev Mc what he though my GPA was - he assumed around a 3.1. That's because I never did any work. Let me tell you now - a decent writing style and a big enough vocabulary will work wonders for you. I don't know where my IB score came from. I was aiming for high TWENTIES. A score in the high 30's gave me a shock in the underpants I won't soon forget. I must be an idiot savant.

Grades, in the end, mean a fat lot of shit. The only time you use your grades after high school is university, and once you're in, you're in, and you can do basically anything. I suppose subject choice in High School doesn't really mean that much either. Subjects I chose in school didn't help me at all when thinking of majors in university. I had no idea I'd be majoring in Political Science and Classics.

I'm also glad I spent a year out of school, working various jobs and spending a lot of time alone. Even though I hadn't planned things to be that way, the self-discovery and life experience I gained in that time was good for me.

February 07, 2001

What did you all think of the High School experience? All facets of it - the academics, the social stuff, etc.

I'm embarassed to say this but I think Mikko Majanen has probably seen me have sex on more than one occasion.

And I'm not kidding about that.

Sorry, Mikko.

I've got this damned song Underground in my head by Ben Folds Five.


I was never cool in school
I'm sure you don't remember me
And now it's been 10 years
I'm still wondering who to be
But I'd love to mix
In circles, cliques, and social coteries - that's me
Hand me my nose ring (Can we be happy?)
Show me the mosh pit (Can we be happy?)
We can be happy underground

Who's got the looks, who's got the brains
Who's got everything
I got this pain in my heart, that's all
Hey you with the long and lonely face
There's got to be something else
Let me tell ya something else
There was this girl who passed me by
She gave a smile but I was shy
I looked down, so down
Don't look there no no, go go underground
But now there's a place to go
It's the morning, it's the evening
It's everything
I click my heels and I'm there


I don't really relate to the song because I was way too distracted in High School by pesty things like sex and drinking to really worry about not fitting in or being a dork. People probably thought I was a grade A loser and a dork, but I was too busy sucking dick to care.

I AM joking, of course. I was doing my homework (whilst drunk).

February 06, 2001

I want to know what you all know about witchcraft. What do you think of it, what do you think it is, stuff like that.

I am really ashamed to admit it, but this thread of debate has been inspired by the fact the movie 'The Craft' is on TV tonight here in Melbourne.

Sorry. It just interests me what people think of this branch of religion (in essence, paganism).

I didn't read the ol' Chompsky article. That is because I am not able to look at this monitor for vast periods of time without my eyes starting to twitch. And also, I am lazy. If you want to stop talking about politics, that is fine. We probably already stopped talking about politics a few posts back.

February 05, 2001

I had a really interesting conversation last night with two old friends of mine (one who is pursuing architecture at the University of Melbourne, and the other who is a Commerce student at Monash - who has started and runs his own (successful) business, at the tender age of 20). A few things really interested me.

We touched upon the subject of the IVF (Intero Uterine Fertilisation) programme: whereby people who are infertile or are having massive complications 'getting pregnant', are able to have children. It is not a cheap programme, but it exists in most countries all over the world.

The point of debate was this - if you are not able to have children through natural means (I'm sure I don't need to describe what those 'natural means' are, but they sure as hell is FUN!) - should you be having children at all? Is it "God's plan" that you don't have kids, or is there some genetic defect in your genotype that is determining that you don't have children so as not to pass along this defect? Or should you just accept the fact that you are "not meant" to have children.

There is lobbying in Australia now for women who are single and lesbian couples to have access to the IVF programme, getting the sperm from anonymous donors. Is this right? I PERSONALLY believe a child needs a mother AND a father. NOT a mother, a mother, and a 'father figure'. A MOTHER AND A FATHER. I don't think single/lesbian women should be allowed access to this technology. What happens if two people - fathered by the same 'anonymous donor' - meet up, fall in love, and then have children together?

Genetic meltdown.

Thoughts? Care to tear me apart?

Anyway, back to serious business (and the business sure is serious). I could *smell* the four years of high school A grade debating emanating from Vin in that last post.

Yeah ... I would have to agree with Vin. I don't think politicians - the real ones in any case (that does NOT include you, Ms Pauline Hanson) - think of the population as their bitches. It seems a bit absurd, seeing as the politicians (as Vin said) rely on the populace to vote them into power (usually. Sometimes not in Italy).

It's actually kind of weird that you should say, Vin, that God isn't divided up into three separate branches of government. In Christian doctrine, God is in fact divided into what is known as the 'holy trinity'. The father, the son, and the holy ghost. Sure, not three separate branches of government, but trinity ... the number threee ... yes. I seem to have lost sight of the point. I just thought it was a cool connection.

Sorry I haven't updated in a while guys: for some reason Blogger isn't working properly when I want it to. And when it DOES work, I just spraff on my other site.

Which can be found here . :ahem: Not that I am into self promotion or anything like that.

GO TO THIS SITE! YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED!



Shit! How did that get there?!

February 02, 2001

Here are some topics I think are worthy of discussion. Maybe not deep discussion, just mild banter will do:

1. Contraception: from an ethical standpoint, either biological or religious.
2. Assisted suicide (euthanasia)
3. The Narnia Chronicles as religious allegory. I understood it in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, but none of the others.
4. Valentine's Day and how much it SUCKS.
5. Why people (politicians) lie so much, and is it possible to be an honest politician. What qualities would an ideal politican possess?

Okay, so, now I'm just babbling. BABBLE BABBLE.

I also took the gender test today on The Spark . Apparently I am male. Woo.

Also, today I saw the wife of Dr Anwar Ibrahim coming out of a shopping mall in Melbourne. NO SHIT . I took a second glance, and my sister, with the guile and enthusiasm of a toddler, followed her out of the mall, then said hello and introduced herself to the (stunned) woman while I stood ahgast. My sister first asked to confirm she was indeed who we thought she was.

I think my sister gets this strange ability to talk to random (famous) people from my dad: once, on a flight from Sydney to Melbourne, my father noticed that the man sitting behind him was Bob Hawke - a former Australian Prime Minister. My dad got out of his seat, offered his hand, said 'G'day Bob, my name's Joe Juhasz, howzit going mate?'.

Mrs Anwar (I forget her real name, woops) has big feet.

Anyway, I am sweaty from a work out (look at my, er, muscle, flex). Time for shower.

Just a few things:

This is amusing, yet depressing.

Also, I started reading another Carl Sagan book today, but I can't remember the damn name of it (I'm not good with names, obviously).

And furthermore, I think cyclical depression is the price we pay for thinking too damn much.